How to sell a heavy desk

So I've been trying to sell that desk and time is running out. The first post I made before going out of town can be seen on Craig's list here. I only got two responses. One person wanted to buy it and then totally flaked out.

So, I reposted with a totally different description. Maybe I'll all extra smart assy, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I got 12 responses, including one that read:

I have no need or space for the desk, but thanks so much for writing such a great ad! Whoever gets your desk will be inheriting good karma, I'm sure!